She.My Beautiful Experience

Love.
This world is full of them..
Family
Friends
Besties
Relationships


My life till 2010 has experienced the fort 3 types. I was exposed to the 4th kind just not long ago.
Can say it spanned 6 months.
6 months of a fresh new experience
6 months of a new form of joy.
6 months of feeling loved.


Truthfully when this started, I didnt realise what it held.
Just a new friendship?
Just a new level of friendship?
Just a new level of intimacy between friends?
Just a form of stress reliever?
Just a new rights to brag to friends about?
.
.
.


No. it's responsibility. A whole new level of that in friends I have never entrust myself to before. But I was too late when I realised. I had made a vow. One that have me holding another's heart and mind. I've to protect that brittle thing. Any carelessness, it might be lost. Great responsibility comes with great consequences.


When it was initiated, I had just one thing in mind. YOU. not a future you but a short-sighted me looking at you. I see it as a really superficial thing. A cool new relationship. Something I see a lot in dramas and sometimes close up with my best friends getting into them. I thought it would be something real cool. Imagine getting a brand new comp. WOAH! So shiok! Then you get hooked up on it. But in actual, getting hooked up means a new distraction. A pleasure but sacrifices must be made. That is time. Precious time. Teenage times are the most precious. They cannot be wasted. Not a bit. Just a little loss can have deadly result in the future.
With one hand on a heart, I only have the other hand for other stuffs. And stuffs refers to studies in my context. For all my lives, studies is handled by both hands. And now it' reduced to just one. Joining IP has piled even more work on those hands and now half the effort is left to handle it. OMG stress. Balancing is tough. At least for a not natural talented but hardwork-oriented person like me. I cannot afford to lose any precious time and must whole-heartedly concentrate on a single stuff.or else EVERYTHING will be in shambles.


During the hols. I had not known what I was up against in IP. In January, nothing much started. I neglected the true horror I was warned of. I went deeper into her...


Like->Love
Close Friend->Closer Friend
Nothing-> Something
Responsibility-> Greater Responsibility
Stress reliever->stress contributor 
.
.
.


When reality struck, nature seems to be a destructive force against me. 
It wasnt easy. It never is.
I signed up for 4 years of mass intellect challenge. 
It was never expected to be it is like by the short-sighted me.
Stress builds up in the conscientious me as I start to feel lost.


Lost:
adjective

1.

no longer possessed or retained: lost friends.

2.

no longer to be found: lost articles.

3.

having gone astray or missed the way; bewildered as to place, direction, etc.: lost children.

4.

not used to good purpose, as opportunities, time, or labor;wasted: a lost advantage.

5.

being something that someone has failed to win: a lostprize.

6.

ending in or attended with defeat: a lost battle.

7.

destroyed or ruined: lost ships.

8.

preoccupied; rapt: He seems lost in thought.

9.

distracted; distraught; desperate; hopeless: the lost look of a man trapped and afraid. 


Definition 9. it explains me in that period of uncertainty and lifelessness. 


Of course. nothing i do can help her recover fully. 
All I can blame is myself. for my irresponsibility. for my poor time management. for my poor stress management. for my shortsightedness. this list just goes on.


I'd love to apologize. Sorry. I know this is nothing even insufficient to help. This late response is not going to help either. As usual, i am caught up with a lot of things around me and adapting hard to the new way of life. Wish her all the best and jiayous! Hope she'll talk to me again.


 bye for now